Nothing happens for a reason.
But everything that happens is a reason.
You have yourself, and you have your Tyler Dordin deep down. Your entire life is you subconsciously making the decision to be better than Tyler and be Ikea man. Every single thing you do is a choice and has different outcomes. In a different world I could be jumping off a cliff right now instead of typing this blog, but the decisions I've made have lead me to this exact moment.
I am not in this moment because in 2 hours writing this blog will change my life, but rather I am in this moment because I decided to be. The Tyler in me might be telling me to steal a bank right now, but I told myself to sit down and write this.
Everything we do is a choice. Rubbing your eye, smiling at someone, flipping someone off. These are all choices that we make. Sometimes they are because we know that they will be in our best self interest. No I dont want to do my homework but I know it will help me in a few months when I am looking to go to college. The choices we make all have benefits and drawbacks however.
If someone is being a real a$$ to you, you might decide to flip them off. That may seem like a good choice at the time, you feel great because you got that anger off your chest. But, maybe in a month or two you will see that person, and your action will become a reason for them to do what they do. The choices we make are not made because we evaluate every single benefit and drawback, they happen because it is what we want at the time.
The key to life is to find the perfect balance between hindsight, foresight and looking at whats right in front of you. Some of the choices you make can be based on past experiences and will turn out differently than they did the first time. Some, like homework, are made by thinking of your self in the future and looking out for that. However if you live too much in the past or future you will loose sight of what is right in front of you. Make choices because of today too.
So, I'm not sure how much sense this blog makes. But life is a series of choices, they cannot be justified all the time. Random things happen to us, we act upon them and our actions determine the path we take through life.
This is of course all hypothetical. I wish I was certain about anything.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Somebody
I am scrolling down twitter and facebook and it is sad how many people are reliant on their friends. Even boys are posting shit about each other and saying that they are bad friends or whatever...
Life is yours.
You don't, I'll change that to shouldn't need ANYONE but yourself (and your family)
being in the shark tank or whatever is not going to make any difference in like 20 years.
A friend might be nice along the way but I dont think that people understand.
Being good at singing or having the coolest clothes is going to get you absolutely no where because we will all die equal.
It makes me sad that these people will never know or see that it doesn't matter what Lauren said to her about you or what he didn't do or say. In fact it is so insignificant that when you focus on such little details, you lose the big picture. You know what happens when you lose the big picture?
You live life with your head up your butt.
Just realize that this is yours and no one elses. Nothing anyone does or says can change you and dont let it.
Life is yours.
You don't, I'll change that to shouldn't need ANYONE but yourself (and your family)
being in the shark tank or whatever is not going to make any difference in like 20 years.
A friend might be nice along the way but I dont think that people understand.
Being good at singing or having the coolest clothes is going to get you absolutely no where because we will all die equal.
It makes me sad that these people will never know or see that it doesn't matter what Lauren said to her about you or what he didn't do or say. In fact it is so insignificant that when you focus on such little details, you lose the big picture. You know what happens when you lose the big picture?
You live life with your head up your butt.
Just realize that this is yours and no one elses. Nothing anyone does or says can change you and dont let it.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
yay
Things are finally going well.
I have my first boyfriend, and its exactly like I hoped it would be. Except better.
Also I am finally starting to be more mature and grow up.
College is scaring me but it will be fine.
I wish I could get myself to write more on these but its summer and I dont want to!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
SUMMER
YAY!!!!!!!! i finally can relax for the first time since september. I cant wait to be care free this summer. I just have to pass my road test, and look for colleges but i can take my time and feel good. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Saturday, June 18, 2011
carefree
summer is so soon, its making me so happy. I think the reason why I love it so much is because all year round I have to stress out about school work or trying to keep up with my friends or swimming and grades, but in the summer everything is easy. I go to a pool everyday, don't have to worry about friends because we are all friends there. Or just lay in the grass and read my book. Its no pressure, there's nothing hanging over my head ever or anything. Its just letting the sun beat on your back and trying to get back into shape for varsity. I wonder if i would like summer so much if i wasn't so stressed about school all the time. or if school didn't even exist. I bet it wouldn't feel as good to sit by a pool and relax because I see summer as almost a reward for all my hard work over the year. its my time to sit back and take a few minutes to breathe and be with myself. Last summer people were a ton of crap but I already decided this year, not going to let that happen. Detach yourself, be free.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Realize
A lot has happened since I got back.
I've officially given up on caring about having friends or looking like a loser. I mean why does it even matter? I walk in the halls by myself everywhere and stand by myself in the halls... I guess it would be fun to have a friend once in a while but its kinda nice not having to hear people talk about themselves all the time.
Yesterday was prom, and of course I didnt go because I dont have a date... and of course my friend went with the boy I like...
So, thats just another thing I'm going to have to let go. I've come to realize that life isnt always about getting what you want, its about waiting your turn and putting others before yourself.
Yes, I could have been upset, hurt, mad whatever. But if thats what my friend wanted to do, I'm going to let her do it. She feels as though its in her best interest. Sometimes life is about just letting things go and not making a big deal about everything, because in the scheme of things it doesnt really matter.
My grandma also died this week. It kinda shows me that while people are out there thinking prom is the biggest thing ever, there are bigger things. It was really hard, she was a hero in my life. It got me thinking about life and death and god. You really can't take anything for granted.
So, I've learned that sometimes people just do what they can. You have to realize that life is not about prom or being with the boy you like. Its about being there for your family, because you never know what could happen. Let go of the things that dont matter and cling on to the things that do.
I've officially given up on caring about having friends or looking like a loser. I mean why does it even matter? I walk in the halls by myself everywhere and stand by myself in the halls... I guess it would be fun to have a friend once in a while but its kinda nice not having to hear people talk about themselves all the time.
Yesterday was prom, and of course I didnt go because I dont have a date... and of course my friend went with the boy I like...
So, thats just another thing I'm going to have to let go. I've come to realize that life isnt always about getting what you want, its about waiting your turn and putting others before yourself.
Yes, I could have been upset, hurt, mad whatever. But if thats what my friend wanted to do, I'm going to let her do it. She feels as though its in her best interest. Sometimes life is about just letting things go and not making a big deal about everything, because in the scheme of things it doesnt really matter.
My grandma also died this week. It kinda shows me that while people are out there thinking prom is the biggest thing ever, there are bigger things. It was really hard, she was a hero in my life. It got me thinking about life and death and god. You really can't take anything for granted.
So, I've learned that sometimes people just do what they can. You have to realize that life is not about prom or being with the boy you like. Its about being there for your family, because you never know what could happen. Let go of the things that dont matter and cling on to the things that do.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Viva la fiesta
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThlkBOqbsMU&feature=feedf
I learned so much about the culture and language but I also changed as a person. The things that happened there I can not sum up into a thought. I feel like I was watching myself in a movie and none of it even happened... it was so surreal.
I already want to go back it was the best experience
I learned so much about the culture and language but I also changed as a person. The things that happened there I can not sum up into a thought. I feel like I was watching myself in a movie and none of it even happened... it was so surreal.
I already want to go back it was the best experience
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Alone in the world.
I feel like everything is like that. No matter what it is it will always have positives and negatives and sometimes we just dont see the other side of the matter. Maybe everything we say or do has one positive and one negative effect on the world. Can we change our perspective on anything to make it seem good or bad? In reality is there really any good or bad things in the world? how about if both are the same?
Everything is solely based on perseption. Something really good to one person could be percieved as really bad to another. It all depends on how we view the world.
Monday, March 28, 2011
you.
How come I try really hard and then I just embarrass myself all of the time? I feel like maybe its just all gone and I look like a loser. Is it because I'm ugly or weird? Do you think I'm some freak? I wish I knew.
It always sucks when things don't work out. I get so excited or nervous all over nothing. I waste all my time trying to impress you. When you've already decided.
There was a period of time when you did try. Now you make a point to talk to everyone but me. I want to talk to you but I'm too scared. I'm scared of what you'll think. I'm scared of what will come out of my mouth if the conversation does'nt go as planned.
I guess thats alright though. I'll leave you alone. I've recieved the message, I understand. I'm just one of those people. That random girl you are creeped out by. I understand, it makes sense.
I wonder if I will always be that girl.
Will anything ever change?
It always sucks when things don't work out. I get so excited or nervous all over nothing. I waste all my time trying to impress you. When you've already decided.
There was a period of time when you did try. Now you make a point to talk to everyone but me. I want to talk to you but I'm too scared. I'm scared of what you'll think. I'm scared of what will come out of my mouth if the conversation does'nt go as planned.
I guess thats alright though. I'll leave you alone. I've recieved the message, I understand. I'm just one of those people. That random girl you are creeped out by. I understand, it makes sense.
I wonder if I will always be that girl.
Will anything ever change?
Friday, March 25, 2011
Half Full
Do your best, and know that there are some things in life that are simply out of our control.
You cant control how other people treat you, but you have control over your own actions. Act your very best and never act based on the things other people do to you. People are going to act stupid and be mean to you, just keep your own morals and present yourself well. if you uphold your half of the bargain at least you can say you gave it your all.
So all of these people trying to get under our skin... are we supposed to tell them what they want to hear? or are we supposed to ignore it and act like they arent there?
Personally I've perfected a balance of the two. Put on a mask and pretend as if what they are saying is completely normal and non-offensive even though im digging my fingernails into my leg. The last thing i need is some evil brat on my case. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?
yes. I did just reference Napoleon Dynamite.
What the heck no one reads this anyways
You cant control how other people treat you, but you have control over your own actions. Act your very best and never act based on the things other people do to you. People are going to act stupid and be mean to you, just keep your own morals and present yourself well. if you uphold your half of the bargain at least you can say you gave it your all.
So all of these people trying to get under our skin... are we supposed to tell them what they want to hear? or are we supposed to ignore it and act like they arent there?
Personally I've perfected a balance of the two. Put on a mask and pretend as if what they are saying is completely normal and non-offensive even though im digging my fingernails into my leg. The last thing i need is some evil brat on my case. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?
yes. I did just reference Napoleon Dynamite.
What the heck no one reads this anyways
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
insignificance.
Picture a swimming pool.
Now picture how many molecules of water are in it. Billions, millions, trillions.
Now picture the world.
A water molecule in a pool is to you in the world.
Now think of how little one little swimming pool is on the earth.
the earth is literally just a speck in the intirety of space.
one person is just a speck the entirety of everything.
I bring up this point because it baffles me.
How can anything I say, feel, think or do have any significance whatsoever?
What is even the purpose of being worried if my problems are literally nonexistant
When I'm worring about something how can it even make sense when there are much bigger things that my mind cant even fathom going on in another galaxy.
Literally just a speck.
Now picture how many molecules of water are in it. Billions, millions, trillions.
Now picture the world.
A water molecule in a pool is to you in the world.
Now think of how little one little swimming pool is on the earth.
the earth is literally just a speck in the intirety of space.
one person is just a speck the entirety of everything.
I bring up this point because it baffles me.
How can anything I say, feel, think or do have any significance whatsoever?
What is even the purpose of being worried if my problems are literally nonexistant
When I'm worring about something how can it even make sense when there are much bigger things that my mind cant even fathom going on in another galaxy.
Literally just a speck.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
myheartsonfire
why do i even bother? As you know by now I'm super awkward... so naturally boys do not come easily to me. So when I do talk to one its like the biggest deal ever. So yeah I've liked this one boy FOREVER, and I've tried so hard to get him to like me! All that ever really happens though is me looking like a huge idiot.
Why do these things have to be so hard? If they were easy would it be the same if I actually got a boyfriend or is the chase what makes it worth it in the long run?
Plus why do we even waste our time?! playing little mind games is only making it harder why cant we just TELL them how we feel... it would make my life so much easier.
I think having a boyfriend would be fun. I like the idea of always having someone to be with. But at the same time its yet another person thats in your business, cramping your individuality. I think that the first time your boyfriend poorly effects a choice you make in life its time to kick them to the curb. They should not be able to influence your actions... it means you are on too close of a leash.
"The only true failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows"
Why do these things have to be so hard? If they were easy would it be the same if I actually got a boyfriend or is the chase what makes it worth it in the long run?
Plus why do we even waste our time?! playing little mind games is only making it harder why cant we just TELL them how we feel... it would make my life so much easier.
I think having a boyfriend would be fun. I like the idea of always having someone to be with. But at the same time its yet another person thats in your business, cramping your individuality. I think that the first time your boyfriend poorly effects a choice you make in life its time to kick them to the curb. They should not be able to influence your actions... it means you are on too close of a leash.
"The only true failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows"
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Perfectly Lonely
People are annoying. What makes them think the entire world is focused on them!?!?!?!?!?!?! Seeing I'm not the most outspoken I always get walked all over. I cant even do anything about it!
So this is my new idea. I'm going to be a hermit.
No not literally. I'll still talk with people politely but I'm backing off and could care less about their business. No more listening to pointless stories and getting involved in everyones $h!t crap.
No more getting interrupted so that people can continue to talk about themselves.
So here I am. I'm going to be that loner, that random girl by herself and I'm perfectly alright with that.
No more getting treated like crap. Next person thats rude to me I will stand up for myself at any cost.
NO MORE CRAP.
So this is my new idea. I'm going to be a hermit.
No not literally. I'll still talk with people politely but I'm backing off and could care less about their business. No more listening to pointless stories and getting involved in everyones $h!t crap.
No more getting interrupted so that people can continue to talk about themselves.
So here I am. I'm going to be that loner, that random girl by herself and I'm perfectly alright with that.
No more getting treated like crap. Next person thats rude to me I will stand up for myself at any cost.
NO MORE CRAP.
Friday, March 11, 2011
what is life?
"Everything happens for a reason": A popular girly quote that is used to express an excuse for something bad that happened in ones life.
Maybe, nothing really happens for a reason. Maybe, because time is a different dimention, the events that unfold are completely out of our control and in actually life is just a string of random coincidences. Yes, other events do effect outcome of the future, however an event does not occur for one pin point of an explaination. Life is just a series of events and those that are to come are influenced by the later, however cannot soley relay on the earlier... In that case wouldn't a good person never have anything bad happen to them and a bad person only have bad. For what possible reason could an innocent person have died? They simply might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They decided to eat french toast for breakfast instead of cereal this morning and now their heart stopped beating?! You rob a local grocery store and win the lottery the next day. In actuality nothing happens for a reason, things happen on their own. They may be influenced by the choices we make in life, however the events of the world are simply a mixture of everyone's actions intertwining.
Those are my thoughts about today. I wish I had followers to respond.
Maybe, nothing really happens for a reason. Maybe, because time is a different dimention, the events that unfold are completely out of our control and in actually life is just a string of random coincidences. Yes, other events do effect outcome of the future, however an event does not occur for one pin point of an explaination. Life is just a series of events and those that are to come are influenced by the later, however cannot soley relay on the earlier... In that case wouldn't a good person never have anything bad happen to them and a bad person only have bad. For what possible reason could an innocent person have died? They simply might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They decided to eat french toast for breakfast instead of cereal this morning and now their heart stopped beating?! You rob a local grocery store and win the lottery the next day. In actuality nothing happens for a reason, things happen on their own. They may be influenced by the choices we make in life, however the events of the world are simply a mixture of everyone's actions intertwining.
Those are my thoughts about today. I wish I had followers to respond.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Crap.
Dark Center of The Universe - Modest Mouse
Never just right.
try too hard or not enough
dazing off or freaking out
making things harder than they should be
Why should I suffer from your problems?
youre not the only person
not only your problems exist
I just need room to breathe
never enough space to be myself
never just right
Say the right thing act the wrong way
never just right
too nervous, mouth runs
or say nothing at all
play safe or don't play at all?
you stopped reaching out
nothing left to for us to say
everything is anything but right.
Never just right.
try too hard or not enough
dazing off or freaking out
making things harder than they should be
Why should I suffer from your problems?
youre not the only person
not only your problems exist
I just need room to breathe
never enough space to be myself
never just right
Say the right thing act the wrong way
never just right
too nervous, mouth runs
or say nothing at all
play safe or don't play at all?
you stopped reaching out
nothing left to for us to say
everything is anything but right.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
hola.
I'm not really here to show how artsy I am (not at all) or to show my amazing writing skills (which I also don't have). I guess this is kinda just a place for me to get out all my ideas.
I guess to get started I'll tell you about myself. First of all, I'm one of those uber nerds at school. I don't raise my hand in class or suck up to teachers but I will stay up all night doing homework or freak out about a test. School is something that really matters to me, and I try really hard at it. I'm a major perfectionist, and I never like to cut myself short. During the school year I'm really stressed out and high strung, but over the summer I'm like the most chill person in the world. Summer is my thing. I belong to a pool that I go to every single day. That is like my little heaven, I have a tight group of friends there. I can be completely myself, not have to worry about anyone thinking bad things about me and I can have fun. Um... what else? I swim. I love it. I am a very self motivated person so its a good sport for me. Oh also, I'm really super awkward. My personal bubble has a radius that's bigger than most people's, I'm kinda a germaphobic freak. I guess my bubble kinda applies to me emotionally too, I kinda distance myself to people and I'm really shy so it takes a long time for me to open up to you. I also like to think that I don't care as much about the typical 16 year old girl crap.
"Everyone in this room knows at least one thing that you don't know"
My English teacher said this today. I really loved it, I need to reword the quote but basically its saying that even a homeless man knows something about life that you haven't learned yet. It's so crazy to think about people that way, it really helps gain respect for them. I look at learning lessons in life as like quarters laying on the sidewalk. If you happen to take that certain path you could by chance pick up the quarter along the way, or you could walk right past it and not even see it at all. It's mind blowing that people all deceive the world in different ways.
Alright I guess that's my first blog. I have to go study for a memorization test and do Spanish homework. I'm not even sure if that was the right stuff to put in a blog.... sorry if you read it and it sucked.
kbye
I guess to get started I'll tell you about myself. First of all, I'm one of those uber nerds at school. I don't raise my hand in class or suck up to teachers but I will stay up all night doing homework or freak out about a test. School is something that really matters to me, and I try really hard at it. I'm a major perfectionist, and I never like to cut myself short. During the school year I'm really stressed out and high strung, but over the summer I'm like the most chill person in the world. Summer is my thing. I belong to a pool that I go to every single day. That is like my little heaven, I have a tight group of friends there. I can be completely myself, not have to worry about anyone thinking bad things about me and I can have fun. Um... what else? I swim. I love it. I am a very self motivated person so its a good sport for me. Oh also, I'm really super awkward. My personal bubble has a radius that's bigger than most people's, I'm kinda a germaphobic freak. I guess my bubble kinda applies to me emotionally too, I kinda distance myself to people and I'm really shy so it takes a long time for me to open up to you. I also like to think that I don't care as much about the typical 16 year old girl crap.
My English teacher said this today. I really loved it, I need to reword the quote but basically its saying that even a homeless man knows something about life that you haven't learned yet. It's so crazy to think about people that way, it really helps gain respect for them. I look at learning lessons in life as like quarters laying on the sidewalk. If you happen to take that certain path you could by chance pick up the quarter along the way, or you could walk right past it and not even see it at all. It's mind blowing that people all deceive the world in different ways.
Alright I guess that's my first blog. I have to go study for a memorization test and do Spanish homework. I'm not even sure if that was the right stuff to put in a blog.... sorry if you read it and it sucked.
kbye
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