How come I try really hard and then I just embarrass myself all of the time? I feel like maybe its just all gone and I look like a loser. Is it because I'm ugly or weird? Do you think I'm some freak? I wish I knew.
It always sucks when things don't work out. I get so excited or nervous all over nothing. I waste all my time trying to impress you. When you've already decided.
There was a period of time when you did try. Now you make a point to talk to everyone but me. I want to talk to you but I'm too scared. I'm scared of what you'll think. I'm scared of what will come out of my mouth if the conversation does'nt go as planned.
I guess thats alright though. I'll leave you alone. I've recieved the message, I understand. I'm just one of those people. That random girl you are creeped out by. I understand, it makes sense.
I wonder if I will always be that girl.
Will anything ever change?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Half Full
Do your best, and know that there are some things in life that are simply out of our control.
You cant control how other people treat you, but you have control over your own actions. Act your very best and never act based on the things other people do to you. People are going to act stupid and be mean to you, just keep your own morals and present yourself well. if you uphold your half of the bargain at least you can say you gave it your all.
So all of these people trying to get under our skin... are we supposed to tell them what they want to hear? or are we supposed to ignore it and act like they arent there?
Personally I've perfected a balance of the two. Put on a mask and pretend as if what they are saying is completely normal and non-offensive even though im digging my fingernails into my leg. The last thing i need is some evil brat on my case. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?
yes. I did just reference Napoleon Dynamite.
What the heck no one reads this anyways
You cant control how other people treat you, but you have control over your own actions. Act your very best and never act based on the things other people do to you. People are going to act stupid and be mean to you, just keep your own morals and present yourself well. if you uphold your half of the bargain at least you can say you gave it your all.
So all of these people trying to get under our skin... are we supposed to tell them what they want to hear? or are we supposed to ignore it and act like they arent there?
Personally I've perfected a balance of the two. Put on a mask and pretend as if what they are saying is completely normal and non-offensive even though im digging my fingernails into my leg. The last thing i need is some evil brat on my case. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?
yes. I did just reference Napoleon Dynamite.
What the heck no one reads this anyways
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
insignificance.
Picture a swimming pool.
Now picture how many molecules of water are in it. Billions, millions, trillions.
Now picture the world.
A water molecule in a pool is to you in the world.
Now think of how little one little swimming pool is on the earth.
the earth is literally just a speck in the intirety of space.
one person is just a speck the entirety of everything.
I bring up this point because it baffles me.
How can anything I say, feel, think or do have any significance whatsoever?
What is even the purpose of being worried if my problems are literally nonexistant
When I'm worring about something how can it even make sense when there are much bigger things that my mind cant even fathom going on in another galaxy.
Literally just a speck.
Now picture how many molecules of water are in it. Billions, millions, trillions.
Now picture the world.
A water molecule in a pool is to you in the world.
Now think of how little one little swimming pool is on the earth.
the earth is literally just a speck in the intirety of space.
one person is just a speck the entirety of everything.
I bring up this point because it baffles me.
How can anything I say, feel, think or do have any significance whatsoever?
What is even the purpose of being worried if my problems are literally nonexistant
When I'm worring about something how can it even make sense when there are much bigger things that my mind cant even fathom going on in another galaxy.
Literally just a speck.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
myheartsonfire
why do i even bother? As you know by now I'm super awkward... so naturally boys do not come easily to me. So when I do talk to one its like the biggest deal ever. So yeah I've liked this one boy FOREVER, and I've tried so hard to get him to like me! All that ever really happens though is me looking like a huge idiot.
Why do these things have to be so hard? If they were easy would it be the same if I actually got a boyfriend or is the chase what makes it worth it in the long run?
Plus why do we even waste our time?! playing little mind games is only making it harder why cant we just TELL them how we feel... it would make my life so much easier.
I think having a boyfriend would be fun. I like the idea of always having someone to be with. But at the same time its yet another person thats in your business, cramping your individuality. I think that the first time your boyfriend poorly effects a choice you make in life its time to kick them to the curb. They should not be able to influence your actions... it means you are on too close of a leash.
"The only true failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows"
Why do these things have to be so hard? If they were easy would it be the same if I actually got a boyfriend or is the chase what makes it worth it in the long run?
Plus why do we even waste our time?! playing little mind games is only making it harder why cant we just TELL them how we feel... it would make my life so much easier.
I think having a boyfriend would be fun. I like the idea of always having someone to be with. But at the same time its yet another person thats in your business, cramping your individuality. I think that the first time your boyfriend poorly effects a choice you make in life its time to kick them to the curb. They should not be able to influence your actions... it means you are on too close of a leash.
"The only true failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows"
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Perfectly Lonely
People are annoying. What makes them think the entire world is focused on them!?!?!?!?!?!?! Seeing I'm not the most outspoken I always get walked all over. I cant even do anything about it!
So this is my new idea. I'm going to be a hermit.
No not literally. I'll still talk with people politely but I'm backing off and could care less about their business. No more listening to pointless stories and getting involved in everyones $h!t crap.
No more getting interrupted so that people can continue to talk about themselves.
So here I am. I'm going to be that loner, that random girl by herself and I'm perfectly alright with that.
No more getting treated like crap. Next person thats rude to me I will stand up for myself at any cost.
NO MORE CRAP.
So this is my new idea. I'm going to be a hermit.
No not literally. I'll still talk with people politely but I'm backing off and could care less about their business. No more listening to pointless stories and getting involved in everyones $h!t crap.
No more getting interrupted so that people can continue to talk about themselves.
So here I am. I'm going to be that loner, that random girl by herself and I'm perfectly alright with that.
No more getting treated like crap. Next person thats rude to me I will stand up for myself at any cost.
NO MORE CRAP.
Friday, March 11, 2011
what is life?
"Everything happens for a reason": A popular girly quote that is used to express an excuse for something bad that happened in ones life.
Maybe, nothing really happens for a reason. Maybe, because time is a different dimention, the events that unfold are completely out of our control and in actually life is just a string of random coincidences. Yes, other events do effect outcome of the future, however an event does not occur for one pin point of an explaination. Life is just a series of events and those that are to come are influenced by the later, however cannot soley relay on the earlier... In that case wouldn't a good person never have anything bad happen to them and a bad person only have bad. For what possible reason could an innocent person have died? They simply might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They decided to eat french toast for breakfast instead of cereal this morning and now their heart stopped beating?! You rob a local grocery store and win the lottery the next day. In actuality nothing happens for a reason, things happen on their own. They may be influenced by the choices we make in life, however the events of the world are simply a mixture of everyone's actions intertwining.
Those are my thoughts about today. I wish I had followers to respond.
Maybe, nothing really happens for a reason. Maybe, because time is a different dimention, the events that unfold are completely out of our control and in actually life is just a string of random coincidences. Yes, other events do effect outcome of the future, however an event does not occur for one pin point of an explaination. Life is just a series of events and those that are to come are influenced by the later, however cannot soley relay on the earlier... In that case wouldn't a good person never have anything bad happen to them and a bad person only have bad. For what possible reason could an innocent person have died? They simply might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They decided to eat french toast for breakfast instead of cereal this morning and now their heart stopped beating?! You rob a local grocery store and win the lottery the next day. In actuality nothing happens for a reason, things happen on their own. They may be influenced by the choices we make in life, however the events of the world are simply a mixture of everyone's actions intertwining.
Those are my thoughts about today. I wish I had followers to respond.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Crap.
Dark Center of The Universe - Modest Mouse
Never just right.
try too hard or not enough
dazing off or freaking out
making things harder than they should be
Why should I suffer from your problems?
youre not the only person
not only your problems exist
I just need room to breathe
never enough space to be myself
never just right
Say the right thing act the wrong way
never just right
too nervous, mouth runs
or say nothing at all
play safe or don't play at all?
you stopped reaching out
nothing left to for us to say
everything is anything but right.
Never just right.
try too hard or not enough
dazing off or freaking out
making things harder than they should be
Why should I suffer from your problems?
youre not the only person
not only your problems exist
I just need room to breathe
never enough space to be myself
never just right
Say the right thing act the wrong way
never just right
too nervous, mouth runs
or say nothing at all
play safe or don't play at all?
you stopped reaching out
nothing left to for us to say
everything is anything but right.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
hola.
I'm not really here to show how artsy I am (not at all) or to show my amazing writing skills (which I also don't have). I guess this is kinda just a place for me to get out all my ideas.
I guess to get started I'll tell you about myself. First of all, I'm one of those uber nerds at school. I don't raise my hand in class or suck up to teachers but I will stay up all night doing homework or freak out about a test. School is something that really matters to me, and I try really hard at it. I'm a major perfectionist, and I never like to cut myself short. During the school year I'm really stressed out and high strung, but over the summer I'm like the most chill person in the world. Summer is my thing. I belong to a pool that I go to every single day. That is like my little heaven, I have a tight group of friends there. I can be completely myself, not have to worry about anyone thinking bad things about me and I can have fun. Um... what else? I swim. I love it. I am a very self motivated person so its a good sport for me. Oh also, I'm really super awkward. My personal bubble has a radius that's bigger than most people's, I'm kinda a germaphobic freak. I guess my bubble kinda applies to me emotionally too, I kinda distance myself to people and I'm really shy so it takes a long time for me to open up to you. I also like to think that I don't care as much about the typical 16 year old girl crap.
"Everyone in this room knows at least one thing that you don't know"
My English teacher said this today. I really loved it, I need to reword the quote but basically its saying that even a homeless man knows something about life that you haven't learned yet. It's so crazy to think about people that way, it really helps gain respect for them. I look at learning lessons in life as like quarters laying on the sidewalk. If you happen to take that certain path you could by chance pick up the quarter along the way, or you could walk right past it and not even see it at all. It's mind blowing that people all deceive the world in different ways.
Alright I guess that's my first blog. I have to go study for a memorization test and do Spanish homework. I'm not even sure if that was the right stuff to put in a blog.... sorry if you read it and it sucked.
kbye
I guess to get started I'll tell you about myself. First of all, I'm one of those uber nerds at school. I don't raise my hand in class or suck up to teachers but I will stay up all night doing homework or freak out about a test. School is something that really matters to me, and I try really hard at it. I'm a major perfectionist, and I never like to cut myself short. During the school year I'm really stressed out and high strung, but over the summer I'm like the most chill person in the world. Summer is my thing. I belong to a pool that I go to every single day. That is like my little heaven, I have a tight group of friends there. I can be completely myself, not have to worry about anyone thinking bad things about me and I can have fun. Um... what else? I swim. I love it. I am a very self motivated person so its a good sport for me. Oh also, I'm really super awkward. My personal bubble has a radius that's bigger than most people's, I'm kinda a germaphobic freak. I guess my bubble kinda applies to me emotionally too, I kinda distance myself to people and I'm really shy so it takes a long time for me to open up to you. I also like to think that I don't care as much about the typical 16 year old girl crap.
My English teacher said this today. I really loved it, I need to reword the quote but basically its saying that even a homeless man knows something about life that you haven't learned yet. It's so crazy to think about people that way, it really helps gain respect for them. I look at learning lessons in life as like quarters laying on the sidewalk. If you happen to take that certain path you could by chance pick up the quarter along the way, or you could walk right past it and not even see it at all. It's mind blowing that people all deceive the world in different ways.
Alright I guess that's my first blog. I have to go study for a memorization test and do Spanish homework. I'm not even sure if that was the right stuff to put in a blog.... sorry if you read it and it sucked.
kbye
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