SUMMER

YAY!!!!!!!! i finally can relax for the first time since september. I cant wait to be care free this summer. I just have to pass my road test, and look for colleges but i can take my time and feel good. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

carefree

summer is so soon, its making me so happy. I think the reason why I love it so much is because all year round I have to stress out about school work or trying to keep up with my friends or swimming and grades, but in the summer everything is easy. I go to a pool everyday, don't have to worry about friends because we are all friends there.  Or just lay in the grass and read my book. Its no pressure, there's nothing hanging over my head ever or anything. Its just letting the sun beat on your back and trying to get back into shape for varsity. I wonder if i would like summer so much if i wasn't so stressed about school all the time. or if school didn't even exist. I bet it wouldn't feel as good to sit by a pool and relax because I see summer as almost a reward for all my hard work over the year. its my time to sit back and take a few minutes to breathe and be with myself. Last summer people were a ton of crap but I already decided this year, not going to let that happen. Detach yourself, be free.

Realize

A lot has happened since I got back.
I've officially given up on caring about having friends or looking like a loser. I mean why does it even matter? I walk in the halls by myself everywhere and stand by myself in the halls... I guess it would be fun to have a friend once in a while but its kinda nice not having to hear people talk about themselves all the time.
Yesterday was prom, and of course I didnt go because I dont have a date... and of course my friend went with the boy I like...
So, thats just another thing I'm going to have to let go. I've come to realize that life isnt always about getting what you want, its about waiting your turn and putting others before yourself.
Yes, I could have been upset, hurt, mad whatever. But if thats what my friend wanted to do, I'm going to let her do it. She feels as though its in her best interest. Sometimes life is about just letting things go and not making a big deal about everything, because in the scheme of things it doesnt really matter.
My grandma also died this week. It kinda shows me that while people are out there thinking prom is the biggest thing ever, there are bigger things. It was really hard, she was a hero in my life. It got me thinking about life and death and god. You really can't take anything for granted.
So, I've learned that sometimes people just do what they can. You have to realize that life is not about prom or being with the boy you like. Its about being there for your family, because you never know what could happen. Let go of the things that dont matter and cling on to the things that do.

Viva la fiesta

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThlkBOqbsMU&feature=feedf

I learned so much about the culture and language but I also changed as a person. The things that happened there I can not sum up into a thought. I feel like I was watching myself in a movie and none of it even happened... it was so surreal.
I already want to go back it was the best experience

Alone in the world.

Something good happened to me today. But at the same time that good thing was bad at the same time. How does that make sense?
I feel like everything is like that. No matter what it is it will always have positives and negatives and sometimes we just dont see the other side of the matter. Maybe everything we say or do has one positive and one negative effect on the world. Can we change our perspective on anything to make it seem good or bad? In reality is there really any good or bad things in the world? how about if both are the same?
Everything is solely based on perseption. Something really good to one person could be percieved as really bad to another. It all depends on how we view the world.

you.

How come I try really hard and then I just embarrass myself all of the time? I feel like maybe its just all gone and I look like a loser. Is it because I'm ugly or weird? Do you think I'm some freak? I wish I knew.
It always sucks when things don't work out. I get so excited or nervous all over nothing. I waste all my time trying to impress you. When you've already decided.
There was a period of time when you did try. Now you make a point to talk to everyone but me. I want to talk to you but I'm too scared. I'm scared of what you'll think. I'm scared of what will come out of my mouth if the conversation does'nt go as planned.
I guess thats alright though. I'll leave you alone. I've recieved the message, I understand. I'm just one of those people. That random girl you are creeped out by. I understand, it makes sense.
I wonder if I will always be that girl.
Will anything ever change?

Half Full

Do your best, and know that there are some things in life that are simply out of our control.

You cant control how other people treat you, but you have control over your own actions. Act your very best and never act based on the things other people do to you. People are going to act stupid and be mean to you, just keep your own morals and present yourself well. if you uphold your half of the bargain at least you can say you gave it your all.
So all of these people trying to get under our skin... are we supposed to tell them what they want to hear? or are we supposed to ignore it and act like they arent there?
Personally I've perfected a balance of the two. Put on a mask and pretend as if what they are saying is completely normal and  non-offensive even though im digging my fingernails into my leg. The last thing i need is some evil brat on my case. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?

yes. I did just reference Napoleon Dynamite.
What the heck no one reads this anyways